Joshua T Craig

Spoilers ahead so look away or hit that back button if you don’t want to see what I wrote. If you do want to see, continue reading.

But first a quick recap:

1. I loved the first Jurassic Park
2. The Lost World was a great book but a pretty bad movie.
3. Jurassic Park III was a cash grab.
4. I liked Jurassic World because we finally got to see a working park and the motorcycle scene was pretty rad even though the motorcycle idea came from the Lost World book.
5. The sequels to Jurassic World were pretty bad. Especially the bio engineered locust.

On with my review.

Here’s whatI liked:

1. I liked it better than the other Jurassic World sequels.
2. It was funny and I enjoyed that
3. The inflatable boat sequence was kinda rad

Here’s what I didn’t like:

1. The T-Rex was a dickasaerus rex.. He was in the movie just to wreck shit.
2. The t-rex looked funny sleeping, I laughed out loud.
3. They did a remake of the velociraptor kitchen scene, do something original.
4. The D-Rex looked stupid like it was bonked on the head, I think D stands for dumb or disaster. Maybe disappointed or disgusting. Possibly disturbing. I could go on.
5. The use of flares is quite repetitive, again do something new.
6. All the background creatures were stupid, like a person was told “you have to create all the background prehistoric creatures in case people go on a dumb ass adventure on islands they were told to stay away from, but just case.”. This is true for every single island except the original.
7. It’s now a rule that if you’re looking at a large dinosaur like brachiosaurus or titanasaurus it has to be the classic Jurassic Park music, same goes for the end it must be the Jurassic Park theme but played on piano.
8. Also if you make titanasaurus and don’t show it until the 7th movie you’re a dick.
9. The folks that got eaten were quite predictable, you can’t kill main characters and you can’t kill the boyfriend that dad doesn’t like. They have to work out their differences. Stick to the formula, it’s a rule.
10. The guy that hired the people has to get swallowed, sorry it’s another rule.

Conclusion

It was better than I expected. I’m still waiting for dinosaurs in space. But it follows a strict formula that I don’t like. Hollywood needs to do something new. Movies are meant to blow our minds but it’s rare these days that I want to see a movie over and over because it’s so good or the vision is awesome or the movie is radical.

The End

Review over.

Nothing more to see here folks.

Go away and get off my lawn.

Ok love you bye.